Monday, November 14, 2005


Do you remember that show "Mad About You"? They would have a little skit before the opening credits. It would be unrelated to the show itself. Just a little joke prime the pump I suppose.

The only one I remember is wordless. Not a word spoken. But it goes like this:

Paul is sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper or watching TV or some such thing.

Jamie walks in with a roll of toilet paper in one hand and the spindle in the other. I can't remember if the empty tube is on it or not, but I'm thinking not.

She stands in front of Paul and places new toilet paper on the spindle while he watches, turns on her heel and leaves.

I thought I was gonna pee myself (no pun intended) laughing.

The reason I remember that skit is that I am reminded of it nearly every single day. It doesn't matter where I am.... the roll is empty when I get there. Sometimes, it is nearly empty. If I pull off the last, I replace. If it's empty before I get there, I replace.

I have replaced the roll at work a disproportionate number of times when you figure I'm only there a few hours a week. Ironically, the job that is all women employees and is owned by a woman? I've had to replace the roll maybe twice. I'm there more. But the job that is mostly men? Yea. That would be me replacing that roll.

My husband will probably comment that HE replaces the roll. I'm sure he does. It's just about 1/20th of the time. My children do not. Not ever. If it runs out while they are mid-job, they will just leave the new roll on the floor or counter. Growing up, I would FREQUENTLY find 2, maybe 3 squares left on the roll.

Why is the little job of replacing the toilet paper such a momentous job that only "the lady of the house" is capable of doing a proper job?

And why is it that it is my responsibility to make sure we have toilet paper in the house? No one else says "we need more toilet paper". Not even when I realize, oh... we need to go before we use THIS roll. No one else has noticed.

I often say I don't have any more children because I don't want to go through that 'messy food' stage again. (ick ick ick) But the real reason is that I don't want another person in the house using toilet paper. I'd be changing that damn roll even more often (and Elaine can tell us all what fractional percent that is, exactly).


Elaine said...

I LOVED that scene on "Mad About You." Unibrain was apparently happening in the early 90s, too, Nancy! Scary, scary stuff.

But yeah. I remember laughing my ass off when I saw it, too, and I wasn't even a married woman yet. I had just grown up sharing a bathroom with two brothers. So I KNEW.

Martha in CA said...

One thing you can ALWAYS find here is toilet paper! If either bathroom has 8 rolls under the cabinet, well, we may as well be out! It goes on the Coscto list. I don't buy toilet paper at the grocery store. I actually don't think I have since the advent of Costco come to think of it!

We also have flushable wipes located on the sink next to the toilet or on the tank. Sometimes it's nice to feel 'fresh'.

If the roll gets close to could last another day, I pull a fresh roll out, put it on the spindle, then lay the almost-out-roll on top of that roll. Then pray that roll doesn't somehow fall in the toilet!

My mom is never out of toilet paper, nor is my sister.

The Lord of The Manor will replace the roll, but he always puts it so it unwinds to the back! That is wrong. Must go over the roll and unwind from the front. He doesn't even get the roll started, but he manages to put it on wrong every-fucking-time!

Milk? yeah, we run out of that, but never tp!