Wednesday, December 21, 2005

"The Grinch Factor"

The Grinch Factor
by Rosa Brooks (Los Angeles Times, December 16,2005)

THE WHOS down in Who-ville
Were a tolerant lot:
Who Christians, Who Muslims — a Who melting pot.
Who Hindus! Who atheists! Who Buddhists, Who Jews!
Who Confucians, Who pagans,
And even Who Druze! The Who 1st Amendment's Establishment Clause
Said, "No creches in courts," and the Whos loved their laws.
Because somehow … they worked. The Whos rarely fought,
Mostly, each Who did just what he ought.
Every Who down in Who-ville
Loved the Consti-Who-tion a lot.
But the O'Reilly, who lived up in Fox-ville,
Did NOT!
The O'Reilly DETESTED the Who Consti-Who-tion,
He thought it was some sort of liberal pollution.
Now, please don't ask why, for I really don't know.
Perhaps it had something to do with his show.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
Or it could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his RATINGS
Were two sizes too small.
Well, whatever it was, bad ratings or tight shoes,
He stood there one Christmas, just hating the Whos.
"They're so multicultural," he sneered, "and wherever they're from,
They lack the good sense to just launch a pogrom!
There's no Who ethnic cleansing, no Who Inquisition,
If this PEACE can't be stopped, I may lose my position.
Those sensitive, tolerant Whos! It's quite grating.
I must think of something to fix my show's ratings!"
Then he said with a smirk, "I know just what to do
To destroy all the joy in the land of the Who!
I think I can end that PC Who peace.
This year, not one Who will enjoy his Roast Beast!
"Here's just how I'll do it:
I'll tell each Who Christian
That the liberal Whos have devised a new mission
To take away Christmas!
To mock and destroy
Till no little Who Christian is left with a toy!
And when secular Whos — most likely Who Jews —
Attempt to deny it? Why,
I'll just SPIN THE NEWS!
"I'll bluff and I'll lie; I'll sow seeds of mistrust.
Soon they'll form battle lines into
Who 'THEM' and Who 'US,'
Based on which Whos prefer
To sing out, 'Merry Christmas'
And which Whos say, 'Kwanzaa!'
Or 'None of your business!'
"They'll get so confused and so MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD
That they won't even notice the way
They've been HAD!
They'll be so busy squabbling
They won't notice the war!
They won't care if Who rich
Start to trample Who poor!
"Forget torture, and terror, and taxes, and health!
They'll waste all their time on some red-hatted elf.
"And the Who Consti-Who-tion?
They'll stretch it or burn it!
If it came as a gift, they would try to return it!
"The Who Christians will think that they fight the good fight,
They won't know that they're puppets of the Fox-ville Far Right.
They'll forget all that DRIVEL about faith, hope and LOVE
And say 'Merry Christmas' with a sneer and a shove.
"But I? I will prosper! My ratings will soar,
And maybe at last they'll forget I'm a BOOR.
Then for every Who Christmas tree
A most fitting adornament:
My O'Reilly MUG on the tackiest ornament!"

… And what happened then?
Well, the rest's up to you.
But I know what I'd like this holiday season:
A little less NOISE and a little more reason.
So Who Christians! Who Buddhists! Who Muslims! Who Jews!
WHOever you are, just say NO to Fox "News!"
If you don't want to lose the whole Who Consti-Who-tion
It's time to reject the Far Right Revolution.
So turn off O'Reilly and everyone shrill,
Let's have some peace
And old-fashioned GOODWILL.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

"Breathtaking Inanity"

Well.... yea. That pretty much sums it up.

I fear, deeply DEEPLY fear for our future. There was a time when logical scientific analysis was a point of pride. Now it is fraught with suspicion. When the basic concept of scientific theory...the very definition of it... cannot be explained to the religious whackjobs who get themselves elected to school boards, we are quickly tumbling down that slippery slope.

They simply can NOT...seemingly physical unable.... to comprehend that a scientific theory is, indeed, a fact. It is not a theory as in "Theoretically, school board members should be well educated." Or as in "Theoretically, philosophy and world religions would not be taught in science class." Or as in "My theory of the way the world began is rooted deeply in the teachings of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."

If you want the full text of the ruling, click here and see the "related links" in the sidebar.

And may you be touched by His Noodly Appendage this holiday season.

One Lemulating

1 MINUTE AGO: reading the Ones list on Martin Chronicles and Messygoat
1 HOUR AGO: Trudging through the old CM junk so I can make 'workroom' a 'guest room'
1 DAY AGO: Working on Christmas gifts
1 WEEK AGO: Working on Christmas gifts
1 MONTH AGO: Thanksgiving Sunday at church, probably working on Christmas gifts
1 YEAR AGO: Not much different than this year
1 DECADE AGO: Spending all day every day at the hospital with Emma who had RSV and spent the week before her first Christmas in the hospital hooked up to Oxygen.
1 SCORE AGO (minus one cause it's more interesting): in college. Just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. Moving into a new apartment and thinking that guy that helped us move had potential....Jennifer said I should ask him out. She thought he would be perfect for me. Funny how I thought the same about HER husband.... We must know each other or something.
1 QUARTER CENTURY AGO: Freshman in high school. Finished with my first marching season. Thought I was all that. And I know this because the current high school freshman in the house thinks she is all that......

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Just A Reminder

As we head into an election year....

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Martin Niemoeller

Vote your hopes. Not your fears.

Monday, December 12, 2005


Busy busy busy.

Too ambitious on my to do list. Did NOT volunteer to host part of the neighborhood progressive dinner. Yay me.

Busy busy busy.

I think the bug guy comes on Friday. Gives me a deadline to get upstairs bug spray ready. Ugh.

Not sure when visitors arrive so have been unable to get motivated to convert workroom to guest room. Once I get that.....

Busy busy busy.

Lots of things to 'attend'. Don't wanna attend all of them. Some, yes. Not all. Feel obligated. Hmph.

Busy busy busy.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Letters to Santa

Did you ever write a letter to Santa and actually put it in the mailbox? I didn't. Might've given it to my mom trusting her to mail it. I really don't remember.....

Emma informed me a few weeks back that she did NOT want to go sit on Santa's lap. I figured she was feeling kinda too big for all that. I don't know if she's told Dad yet. Cause Christmas Eve these past few years saw them getting up and being the first in line for Santa at the mall.

But I could tell she was a tad bit worried about word getting to Santa about what she wanted. Mind you, The Material Girl has a long list and I don't think anything is under $100. Most of it is some over priced electronic gadget, heavily advertised on The Disney Channel and Nick. They sound all sorts of wonderful, but really.... not so much. Like some "pen" that remembers what you write or some such thing. As long as you use the very expensive special paper. Always the catch.....

As materialistic the child is, she is also that conniving kind of way. She shall just WRITE to Santa this year. She asked me for Santa's address...without telling me about the letter. I just said "North Pole".

One morning she came down and asked for a stamp. She had a letter to Santa to mail. It was a piece of binder paper, folded over and stapled. It was duly addressed to: Santa Claus, North Pole. It had her return address. I gave her a stamp after scoping out her letter. I said something to the effect that "Santa is gonna send us a BILL for all this stuff". She says... I told him to just pick ONE.

I was (and still am) skeptical. But ok......

It was stamped and put in the mailbox to go off to........ the North Pole.


Because TODAY a return letter arrived. Return address: Santa Claus, North Pole. Hand addressed in red ink. The handwriting reminded me of my grandmother's script.

Inside was a letter addressed to "My little friend". It told of how busy it had been at the North Pole and that they are going to be ready for Christmas. It said how he had been checking on all the boys and girls and that they were doing their best to be good. It was signed by Santa HIMSELF!

Emma says: "I didn't think he would REALLY get my letter!"

Yes, Emma.... There is a Santa Claus.

Friday, December 02, 2005

AOL Meets The Turino Olympics

This is what happens when you can SEE the TV but not HEAR the TV.

"What are they doing with those CD's?"

A while back, there was a campaign to send all those AOL CD's that arrive, unbidden, in your mailbox either BACK to AOL or to some group who was going to then dump them on AOL headquarter's front step.

Leave it to the IOC to put them to better use.

I've seen a real live, honest to goodness Olympic medal. It belonged (well, still belongs) to Dana Schoenfield. Dana was the youth group leader when I was in High School. Silver in the 200m breaststroke. You probably have never heard of her because you were either focused on her teammate, Mark Spitz, or the terrorists that killed the Israeli athletes. But that Olympic medal looked like an Olympic medal. Felt like one too.

It remembers the Greek heritage of the Olympic Games. It's SOLID. According to Sports Illustrated the hole in the middle is supposed to represent the open space of an Italian piazza.


I thought this was about the athletes. I thought this was about the games. My error. It's about SITTING AROUND IN THE CITY SQUARE.

But of course.

So having a computer disk as a medal is appropriate. Sit around on your butt is the new message of the Olympic games.

So here's something for my Christmas letter this year.

I am an Olympic caliber athelete. Who knew? But I can SO sit around on my ass with the best of them......

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Funny Thing, Those Funny Things...

Often I crack myself up. Often, I am the only one laughing. But I soldier on....

Today I cracked myself up. I stated the obvious. It seemed a natural response in the situation.

Seems I made others laugh out loud too.

Sonic out the window.

Funny thing.


And it will ALWAYS be "Pull the van over, I gotta PEE!" kind of funny. Even when we are wearing Depends for non-surgical reasons, we'll still be laughing.

Just won't need to pull the van over....