Thursday, June 22, 2006

I think I can help.....

First, I read this article on Yahoo!.

Then Kaitlyn said she need black pumps for Grand Bethel. Had to have black shoes with a back... not a strap. Pumps. Ok. Payless Shoe Source. Purveyors of the cheap black pump.

Busy busy day today. Lots of places to go. WHY no place opens before 10 around here, I don't know. I take that back. Some places DO. Like the car wash. I wonder when Payless Shoe Source opens...

Check online. I get the phone number.

I CALL the phone number. ONE ringy dingy. TWO ringy dingy...... TEN ringy dingy..... Only to be answered with that high pitched squeal of a fax machine.

I call the one across town. Same song, second verse.

Contact customer service with this suggestion:

It is just after 8am my time. I have a thousand errands to run today in
a short window of time. My daughter needs black pumps. When does Payless
Shoes open? I don't know. I called both stores near me and got a high
pitched whiney tone when it 'answered". A recording with store hours
would have been very helpful. If they are open when I'm out, I'll stop.
But now I can't time my route to be sure
I get the standard auto response about my email being important and someone will respond yada yada yada....

Which they did. Tonight.


Uh huh. Until I read it.... But really... what should I expect from a grown woman still spelling her name that way....

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for contacting Payless ShoeSource.

Thank you for your message. Our operating hours vary depending on business needs and store locations. Please contact your local store for their hours.

Damn fine idea you have there Ashli. CALL the store..... Wish I woulda thought of it myself...

To which I replied....


But a RECORDING at each store, with that information would be MUCH more helpful than getting an obnoxious noise that not only pierces my eardrum but makes me think I have the FAX line.

Just thought it would help you get more business.....letting people know when you were open so they didn't have to make a useless trip....

I left off the part about how it wasn't MY job that was gonna get flushed because no one knew when the store was open.

Methinks CEO Matt is gonna need more than new signs and paint to make a difference....

Blog Lifted....

Thanks to Anvil...

On her radio show recently, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two differentcrops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D.

Professor Emeritus

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Kentucky Fried Chicken playing Sweet Home Alabama in their ads.

Friday, June 09, 2006


You trudge through each day. You repeat yourself and are redundant and say it again. Then one day.... Payoff.

Today was such a day for me.

Emma and I attended graduation for a special friend of ours. Jeannie graduated from the program at Jessie Baker School and will now go on to the adult program... continuing to build her life skills that started at Jessie Baker 16 years ago.

To thank their church family for all the love and support shown Jeannie through the years, Jeannie's parents took us out to lunch to a new restaurant in town, The Boulevard Bistro. It's a bit spendy for dinner and we just hadn't had the proper occasion to dine there yet. I asked those who had been there before if they thought the menu would be Emma-friendly. I was told they DID have a hamburger on the menu. Ok... we'll be fine.

But I talked to Emma first. After an initial thought that she'd rather just go home, some thinking about it, some more discussion... she decided that she did want to go. I explained that this was a NICE restaurant and the food might be rather fancy. Even a hamburger might be too fru-fru. I reminded her that this would be a place for her grown up manners and that if her food came and it was not to her liking, that she was not to make any sort of fuss... we could stop and get something on our way worries. She agreed and we went.

We sat down at our white tablecloth covered table. After a moment of confusion as to where EXACTLY she was supposed to sit because "there's too much silverware, I can't tell." she promptly put her napkin in her lap. She considered the soup and salad selection. I asked that the soup was for the day.... and upon hearing "shrimp bisque" she said she would like a hamburger. The official name was "Cheddar Burger". She asked me if it would be ok if she just said "cheeseburger". I assured her that would be fine. She ordered using her grown up voice and was further confused when asked how she would like that cooked. I knew she was thinking "on a grill?". I just said "medium" for her and she was relieved to have that done.

We were sitting with two ladies from church. Both of whom Emma knows and who know Emma. Emma had a nice conversation with Patsy while I spoke with Eleanor. When bread arrived I gave her a piece. I had already explained what that funny looking knife was for and she promptly used her butter knife to butter her bread. After everyone had a 'round' of the bread, she asked if she could please have another slice. When given the go ahead, she took one slice and used the proper utensil again.

She didn't squirm. She spoke when spoken to. She didn't interrupt. She didn't use a loud voice. She didn't have to take a bathroom tour. She said please and thank you. She didn't slurp or spill her water.

When her cheeseburger arrived, she carefully spread ketchup on the bun and didn't make a mess. She ate her fries and burger with her hands (as is appropriate) and made liberal use of her napkin. She ate her entire lunch and did not ask if she could get dessert. As we were leaving, she thanked our hosts.

She was, simply, a delightful luncheon companion. And I was sure to tell her so. I was sure to tell her dad the same when we got home, within her earshot.

She was the only child there today. Jeannie's brother was the next youngest and he's 19? 20? Her behavior was far beyond her 10 years. She was as grownup as anyone else there today.

The bonus? "I had FUN too!" she told me when we got in the car.

Payoff. For both of us.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Summer... as it ought to be

Today, Emma and I shared a salad for lunch. Salad is good for lunch in the summer. We had been running errands and stopped at the store for dinner fixin's and got salad fixin's. Emma decided that sundried tomatoes ARE good after all.

Then she went swimming this afternoon.

Came home for dinner.

Went back for more swimming.

Tomorrow there will be some more necessary errands to be run in preparation for that other summer necessity... vacation. Getting away. Sleeping in a bed not your own, vacation. In this case, they will both be going to visit Aunt Sharon for a week. All are very excited.

When they return it will be back to a grueling schedule of sleeping late (very late if one is a teen) and playing with friends late.

Tentative plans for swimming in a cement pond out in the boonies and inviting The Boy to join us.... all good, all good.

Friday is our last, last day of school.