On Adulthood

In our culture we have no real rite of passage that moves you from childhood to adulthood. No ceremony. No ritual piercing or trek into the wilderness. I suppose the closest we get is when we move from the Kids' Table to the Big Table with the other adults at family holiday dinners.

Some people say they felt like an adult when they got their first real job, got married or had their first child. Others have said they didn't feel like an adult until their parents died. For me, some days I feel more like an adult than others. Most days I just marvel at the fact that I, in fact, am the grown up. My parents are both still alive, although they live many hours away. While I know they are always there if I need them, they aren't immediately available. Maybe a day away available.... So I don't think that is the "moment" I'm waiting for, so to speak.

But then there are days that I wonder how it is that one can NOT be the adult. My oldest child was born an adult. She was pretty much ready to move out and get job at about age 3. Those of you who know her are sitting there saying "well.....yea...she was..." My youngest child is perfectly content playing the role of the baby of the family. She will freely admit to this as well. On occasion, she will play that as her trump card.

Even as the perfectly content baby of the family, that child shows a maturity and wisdom that makes my heart leap. She faces disappointment with a trembly lip and tears flowing, but without tantrum or rage. Such is life....sometimes one is disappointed. Sometimes one does not get what one wants when one wants it.

I see those over the age of majority time and time again acting very much NOT like the adults their birthdate says they are. Decisions are made and the consequences bite and they are shocked. Disappointments are met with rage and tantrums. Small difficulties are nearly insurmountable obstacles.

Perspective is offered and rebuffed as being unwanted and unasked for. Rant in private. Ask not for advice if none is wished.

Hallmarks of adulthood:
* The ability to communicate. This doesn't mean the ability to decide on which movie to see, but to speak of the difficult. To be able to speak and hear truth, most especially when the truth is difficult.

* The ability to face responsibility. Pay your bills. If you can't, do what it takes to do so. And when you can't, don't whine about it, fix it. Care for your children. (see: pay your bills) Equip your children to live as adults. Saddle them with chores and liberties. Make them wash the dishes and let them walk to a friend's house. It is your responsibility AS and adult to create NEW ones. Is it your fault? Suck it up and admit it. Did you make a poor decision? Deal with it and move on. Blame no one else but yourself.

* Mind your own business. You may think it's your business, but an adult knows when it is not. An adult can also discern when all that is heard is one loud point of view that there is probably, no... there is CERTAINLY another point of view. An adult also knows the difference between minding your own business and stepping in to right an injustice.

* When given a choice, take the high road. Sometimes the hardest thing to do as an adult is to take the high road. It is what I struggle to do. I struggle when the opposite of the high road is to right an injustice. But if I am to be the adult, I must let the injustice stand. I must let the slander, misconceptions and half (or less) truths stand.

* You are the only one who can make you happy. No other person can make you happy. Not your spouse. Not your friends. No other place can make you happy. If you are unhappy, you will be unhappy in a different place, with different friends, with a different spouse. These people and places didn't make you unhappy to begin with. Did you have a bad thing happen to you? Deal with it and move on. Children sulk. Adults deal.

I'm sure there are more, but those are mine for now.

Erudition

There have been a couple of incidents that have caused me to contemplate education lately. Not intelligence, but education. I know lots of intelligent people. I also know some well educated people. Some of them wear their education like a Miss America sash.

They say stuff like "I don't watch "American Idol". I've been too busy with planning events for my local Mensa meeting." Now I don't watch "American Idol" either. But that's because I'm watching "Criminal Minds" or "CSI New York". It's a matter of preferring a good crime drama over Simon Crowell.

Scholarship is a noble goal. Certainly there are those academics for whom the pursuit of greater knowledge is their entire life work. Generally speaking they are one hit wonders. They can speak for hours on the cultural significance and impact of 17th century Russian poets using only iambic pentameter, but for all they know Limp Bizkit is a culinary mistake at high tea.

I find the angst and consternation over "American Idol" and "Survivor" dull. But I would rather spend an evening with people who are well informed on both of those than an academic who is proud of his/her ignorance on those two topics.

Vapid thought and conversation is not the dominion of the uneducated. Ignorance comes in many forms. I may not know anything about 17th century Russian poets, iambic pentameter not withstanding. But I know who the "American Idol" finalists are tonight. That doesn't mean I care who they are and who wins, but I can name them.

Basic education should be broad and varied. Higher education should delve deeper into that broad and varied education. It makes you more interesting. When one holds only a certain area of knowledge in higher esteem to the dismissal of the rest, it doesn't elevate one in the eyes of others. It just makes one tiresome.

For Stacy

After being told that she is bored with the blogs she reads regularly and that they need to be updated, some of us have dug deep to give Stacy something new to read. (Who should be getting her scrapbook jobs done instead of frittering time away on the computer...)

I have been struggling with WHAT to write. I had no diseases to chronicle. My week is blissfully dull.

And then.... then I have this. A blog that *I* read regularly but I don't know if Stacy does. But today's entry was written just for me so I could post it here so Stacy could read it too.

Bird

We have a blue bird. He's a bird. He's blue. I don't know any more about this bird than that.

He is...about three years old. He is not a caged bird. He's a wild bird. But every year at about this time, he comes back.

You are probably wondering how I know it is the same blue colored bird.....

Because every year at about this time, around mid-day, he starts banging at our dining room window. Or maybe that's just "banging our dining room window".

We aren't sure if he sees a mate or a rival in the the reflection of the window. But whatever it is, it results in a constant banging at the window.

I have noticed this year he is less vigorous in his banging. It used to be relentless.... constant for about five hours a day. He now takes a swipe or two at that bird in the window and quits. Maybe he's just getting too old to bang into windows all day long. Maybe he figures 'she' isn't gonna give it up or 'he' isn't gonna go away. I don't know.

Our little bird started out by annoying me to no end. First by me not being able to figure out who/what was banging the house. He would fly away when there was movement behind the window. It was by chance I caught him. Second by banging. into. the. window. every. 10. seconds. for. hours.

But as I realize our little friend is slowing down..... I think I shall miss him. I suspect this is our last spring with him.

Reality Check

I don't do "Reality" TV. I have only watched Survivor once. And that was because EVERYONE else wanted to watch it and I was polite. I understand some guy named Chris was recently voted of the American Idol Island and this was a tragedy and the Supreme Court may be looking into voting irregularities. (wait... no.........)

I do not understand the consternation. I do not understand how petitions can be circulated because the voting machines didn't work for a TELEVISION SHOW, but these same people don't give a crap about the voting machines not working in a presidential election because they didn't vote in THAT one. Priorities here people.... let's re-evaluate.

Then there is the 'reality' of make believe shows. The ones not even 'ripped from the headlines'. The pure fiction ones. The ones that exist solely to entertain and get you to tune in next week (or next season as the case is every May).

I am completely amused at the MORAL OUTRAGE at Meridith and McDreamy's ADULTRY. How DARE they! That slut Meridith.... he's MARRIED!!! That cad McDreamy.... he's MARRIED! Or.... "there is NO WAY Izzy wouldn't have gotten kicked out on her ass if she had done that in a real hospital!"

There's a clue. It is NOT a "real hospital". It is a TV show. It is make believe.

How is it that Horatio can just LEAVE his dying new bride (who was shot by not that person but another person and that really just doesn't make sense)?? NO WAY a police department would let her husband and brother investigate her shooting/murder!!! They have OTHER cops!

Again. This isn't a documentary of the Miami/Dade Police Department. In reality the Miami/Dade Police Department doesn't issue Hummers to their CSI's either...

What just cracks me up is some of the people who overlay real life on pretend TV are also some very intense soap opera fans.

What? Adultry, murder, incest (but they don't know it at the time, of course) kidnappings and resurrection after a fiery plane crash.... all in one character.... THAT doesn't seem "off" to you? But Meridith and McDreamy gettin' it on does?

If you need moral outrage, examine the White House's interest in your phone calls. If you need a reason to be pissed off, wonder why Karl Rove hasn't been kicked out on HIS ass. The reality of the real world (not to be confused with the not so much Real World tv show) should get you plenty outraged.

Bandos, Part 2

My CD came today. Well, technically it came yesterday but no one got the mail yesterday.

The return address was vaguely familiar. It didn't have the band name on it and it was hand written.... Who was sending me something from Tustin??

A few seconds later it clicked.

My Narwhal CD.

The receipt had a different address. THAT one was very familiar. Go down the street I grew up on, cross the major street and turn the corner. When you turn the corner, it becomes the street on the receipt.

....someone oughta hook these boys up with Matt Lillard.

Fifth Grade

Twenty-nine years ago I was in the fifth grade. At this point in the year, the movers were scheduled and I was saying my goodbyes to my friends. We were moving from one end of the state to the other.

Tonight, I spent the evening with two of those friends. Nancy S. had a party for her 40th birthday tonight. We reconnected a couple years ago and found out we only live about 45 minutes from each other. We just haven't been able to connect in person. Email, phone... but not face to face. The whole family was invited and my children put on their happy faces and set aside the sullen attitude of teenagerhood for the evening and came along.

Nancy also invited Liz. Who I think goes by Elizabeth now. Liz brought her family too. Husband and two little girls. I met Nancy's husband, daughter and son.

Her daughter and Emma are in the fifth grade.

The food was fantastic. The drink, plentiful. The time to talk? Scarce. It was a party with a lot of people and Nancy couldn't just sit and talk with one person. Liz and I had a good catching up. Another guest was also in Job's Daughters and we spoke of Job's and Kaitlyn was able to join in the conversation with the grownups for a while. I think that improved her mood alone!

As we were leaving we decided we needed to go out to dinner. Have Kaitlyn babysit the younger kids while the four grownups go out to dinner.

.....and not let another twenty-nine years pass before we do so.

Growth

We are in the middle of a lot of growing here. You should see the weeds out back!

And the weeds we call our children. Kaitlyn looks me dead in the eye these days. Emma is getting closer every day to doing so. I need to measure her again. I think she's actually grown since I last measured her a couple weeks ago.

The weeds out back? Bad growth. But expected when you combine a long wet winter with sudden warm spring.

The children growing? Good growth. Bad for the checking account cause they need all new clothes and shoes when they do that. But good in the long run.

Personal growth? It's good too. But it often leaves a wake of hurt and anger. Growing up and finding yourself and who you are and standing firm in that will offend. It will make people angry. It will most anger those who were happy with who you WERE. The ones that took advantage of your uncertainty. They were happy to let you work hard and then sit silent while they took the glory and credit. They could count on you to say only what they wanted to hear. They knew that no matter how wrong you thought they were... you would keep it to yourself lest their feelings be hurt.

So finding your true self and striving to be faithful to yourself and those most important to you is bound to offend those who were happy when you were unhappy.

These are people you need not concern yourself with. True friends... heart friends... will be cheering you on. They have been all along. They have cried for your hurt. They have fought for you when you could not. They have prayed for your peace. They are also willing to come over and stomp those nasty people who don't like the new you. Cause that's what friends are for!

Day Of Silence

Today is the day that the high school students are being silent.

Well... those who wish to be, that is. I hope they don't encounter hate in the process. I spoke to Kaitlyn this morning on how to comport herself if she does. I also told her to call me if it comes from adults. Cause *I* will have something to say about THAT.

They are silent in support of their gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered classmates who are, because of hate, are forced to be silent every day.

Next month our church will vote on whether or not to become a Reconciling Congregation of The United Methodist Church. I am hopeful that we will. We have done everything and become everything that makes a church a Reconciling Congregation. Now we just have to hang the sign on the door.

I am proud of the youth of our church who have, time and time again, stood up against hate towards the G/L/B/T community. I am proud of my daughter who is willing to do so too.

Bandos....

The common wisdom when I was in the marching band in high school was "Once a Bando, never normal." That's of course presuming normalcy before getting to band....

One of the things that George Weibel instilled in us was the all music is good. Don't discount a genre of music just because it isn't something you think you would like.

I have endeavored to keep that in mind. As a result, sometimes I know about bands before the rest of the world. Maroon 5 was one. Y'all know about them now, don't ya?

The only exception to this rule is rap. Cause rap ain't music. You gotta have, you know, music for it be...well, music. Rhyming isn't music. It's an exercise to help preschoolers to read. You might know the master rapper... Dr. Seuss.

Anyway.

My latest find I HAVE to give some publicity. I have a sneaking suspicion that these kids know George too..... They are from Tustin, CA. They won the Battle of the Bands at their high school. Huh.... My alma mater is in Tustin and has a Battle of the Bands.....

Even if they DID go to that other high school.... they're good. Catch 'em early and be cutting edge.

They are represented by Maloof Music and so will be performing during half time during the Kings whomping by the Spurs tonight. I hoped to make it but I have other places to be.

Meanwhile, you can check them out for yourself.

Narwhal

and

Narwhal - MySpace

On Wealth

I know people of wealth.

One of these people is my friend Stacy. Their bank balance wouldn't make Bill Gates green with envy or anything.... but Stacy and her family are wealthy in their love for each other and in friendships that reach across oceans and deep into the heart of their city. Places where many fear to go but they go without fear and are received with great love.

I also know people of great bank accounts. Some of these people live very normal lives. You wouldn't know of their wealth by their home or their car. But every now and again they pay for things of great value without blinking an eye. Why? Because that's what they saved for all their lives. To be able to pay for these very things. It's why they drive a beat up old car.... so they can spend it on traveling or retiring early. They are often people of great generosity. They have always tithed to their church. They have contributed extra when needed. The volunteer their time to worthy causes (and always have) and see retirement as a time to do more volunteering and to do so globally.

I also know people who take home more money in one paycheck than many people make in two months. They stick it all in the bank. They don't take it back out again. Unless, of course, it is something important. Like expensive jeans or a big screen TV or a new boat. Some of these folks come to my desk during tax season. When I ask about what they donated to charity they say "How much can I put down with a receipt? $500? Put $500." Or they just say "nothing". Ironically, they complain about the social programs that the liberals force on everyone and raise taxes. Yea...well, those liberals are also donating above what they pay in taxes more often than not too.... These folks are often very conspicuous in their wealth. I see how much they paid for their house and their address. I know what kind of house they have. I see all the registrations for all the cars and other toys requiring a license from the state.

Today, someone I know popped off and said "Annoy a liberal. Be Happy. Work Hard." I took offense but I also wondered about that. The most snarly people that I encountered were those who, between questions, regaled me on their View Of The World and How It Ought To Be. They were the ones when I asked about charity said "no". When I tried to jog their memory and said "Did you give money to the Red Cross for Katrina....or anything..." retorted with "I wouldn't give the Red Cross the sweat off my ass." (yes, that is a direct quote) and "Why would I give anything to Those People??"

They were most definitely conservatives.

They were most definitely unhappy.

Of course "all liberals" and "all conservatives" cannot be classified as one or the other. In fact, in the examples I gave, some consider themselves conservatives and some consider themselves liberals in all examples.

Money really can't buy happiness. I know some very wealthy very unhappy people. But I do think you CAN buy being happy. Of course it's WHAT you buy that is important. Do you 'buy' food for local hunger charities? Do you 'buy' school uniforms for poor children? Or do you buy another handbag or pair of shoes? Are you buying another electronic gizmo even though your 'old' one is really not that different than the new one and is only a year or two old?

Wealth and Happiness.

You can have both. You can have neither. You can have one and not the other. The key is you. If you find yourself becoming more and more unhappy while your bank account is growing... try giving it to those for whom a dollar is as precious as a thousand of them is to you. You won't miss it and it will mean a lot to them.

Bragging about your stuff will only make you look like a schmuck.

Sharing the beauty.....

Thanks Jerry, for this.

Rainbow.

Overheard

In our car on the way to school: (my internal dialogue is in italics)

Mom- You have a hole in your shoe.

Emma- I know. It's been that way since we went to Monterey.

Mom- I know that too. Yet, you are still wearing the shoe with the hole. I would think that "hole in shoe" would be reason not to wear it. I would think it is a perfectly acceptable reason to throw them in the trash, actually.

Emma- I don't have any other shoes.

Mom- Really? Because I distinctly remember you liberating several pairs of sneaks from my closet along with a variety of other kinds of shoes. Plus all the ones we buy for you. You probably have liberated ones that were not in the "I'm never wearing these so they're outta here" pile too.

Emma- Yea, but this is the only one that doesn't get wet inside when I walk in water. Here's a thought... don't walk in water.

Mom- The shoe with the hole in it? The water doesn't go through the, you know, hole?

Emma- Yep.

Mom- You know it's not raining today, right? Thus decreasing the chances of any walking in water. In fact if one does encounter a puddle, it is probably easily avoided.

Emma- Yep.
She's only gonna give up those shoes for new shoes.

A List:

Big cheapo bottle of Shampoo for when the children need to use our shower.

Big cheapo bottle of Conditioner for when the children need to use our shower.

One bottle of cheapo shampoo, for colored hair.

One bottle of cheapo conditioner, for colored hair.

One bottle of superdeeduper conditioner for the frizzies that got set in there and not taken out.

One bottle of a combo of conditioner that really zaps the frizzies.

One tube of gentle face cleaner that is good and soapy and gets the makeup off.

One tube of super gritty face cleaner (although it says "hand and body") that gets the flakey dry spots on my face that I have acquired with age.

One tube of extra super gritty FOOT scrub that SOMEONE really ought to be using on both hands and feet.

One bottle of "body wash" that has been there for a year and not even a quarter of it is gone. I should take it out.

One gallon jug of Pert Plus for people with no hair.

Not dead, just no phone

Usually, part of my evening routine includes plugging my cell phone into the charger. I use it quite a bit each day and it usually at least needs to be topped off (yes, I know that's a bad thing to do.... Oh well....). Oddly, last night when I plugged it in it said "Charging Complete". So I unplugged it.

This morning, the phone was OFF. Oddness... So I turned it on and it told me "No Service" and promptly turned off again. So I plugged it in and let it charge before I left to run some errands. It mostly charged but still.... "No Service".

I tried numerous times to call Normy only to get dead air. I tried to send text messages. "Message Not Delivered" As I waited for Starbucks to fix my fix, I noticed a woman looking at her phone in puzzlement and shaking it (cause SHAKING will help). She had no service either. Neither did anyone else in the place.

When I paid for my fix, the barista said "the credit went through" to her co-workers. Uh...yea....ok....

I went over to Longs and bought a couple of things. I tried to pay using my debit card. It did not work. Credit worked.

I had no problems at The Natural Food Co-op.

Bel Air wouldn't let my debit card go through. So we switched it to credit. My friend who works there said that my bank was having trouble with the debit feature. But they were having problems with some of their phones. As I was leaving I noticed the store manager there in his regular clothes (not his Official Bel Air Attire) and heard him say "Ok, so THAT phone will get calls IN, but none of these work for the store and no calls OUT at all?"

I stopped off at home and put the ground beef in the fridge and went to the scrapbook store. Michele asked if anything strange was going on as soon. as. I. walked. in.

They couldn't get their credit card machines to work and the phone was saying "all circuits are busy". Michele's cell phone worked, however.

I got home and the phone was dead.

But the DSL connection was working. I had an email saying "CALL ME!" from Normy. Wondering if I was dead. I had been able to ....almost.... get through to him but not enough for us to actually communicate. He sent text messages that I did not return. The home phone was busy. He called a friend out of state to see if she could get through to me.

Nope. Not dead. Just without ability to communicate with the outside world. If I hadn't had computer access I would have ceased to exist! And Normy was about to drive home from work to look for me. HIS phone worked.

Some dorkus sliced through a fiber optic cable. I'm thinking they need to quit digging up the roads and quit risking the accidental cable slice. Leave. The. Roads. Alone.

All of sudden my cell started ringing as multiple text messages and voicemails started coming in. All asking "are you ok?" "where are you?" and "I can't get a hold of you!"

Imagine back in the olden days when we weren't instantly available....

Blue.

Sky, that is.

Lots and lots of blue sky this morning.

The storm clouds are moving east. They have butted up against the Sierras and probably delayed sunrise by a good 10 minutes...we could see the sun behind the clouds trying to get high enough to peek over.

The clouds against the mountains was spectacular to behold. Mostly it was spectacular to see the storm clouds in. the. distance.

You'll need chains to go over the Sierras today. And shorts in the Valley.

Hallalujah!

(but keep the umbrella handy...more rain on the way later this week....)

And now....six....

Huh. So it's not just those card carrying liberal nutjobs in Hollywood after all...

How To Tell There's Been Too Much Rain...

The local news has been on for over 10 minutes and we are still doing "weather". Except it has nothing to with "Severe Storm Warnings" and is ALL about:

Damn. Look at the sun.

Praise Flying Spaghetti Monster!

Hallalujah!

(and if you aren't a Pastafarian yet, Google "Flying Spaghetti Monster" and be touched by His Noodley Appendage)

Six more hours. I have six more hours to give to The Man. And then I won't have to think about 1040's, W-2's, Schedule A, B, C, D OR E. No 1099 of any kind. No 1098's.

This year, tax season seemed longer than usual. Maybe because today is the first day it appears to be spring. Maybe all this rain made it feel like February all this time. Maybe it's because I didn't get my "Dear God I think I am actual dying" sick leave this year.

Yes people. I made it through March without pneumonia. I didn't even get really sick. Got a little bit sick. But the wonder drug Airborne brought the sniffles to a quick end.

If you haven't done your taxes yet, you DO have until Monday to get them to the IRS. But don't call me. I'm DONE.

No Kidding.

Yea.... I figured.

When I saw Stacy's blog and that her ethics were 25% Conservative and 75% Liberal I wondered what that meant, exactly. I still don't know, but at least she's MOSTLY on board with me.

Your Political Profile

Overall: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?